Uncovered!
The campus at Vashi was lush green and a quiet place, next to a hill, difficult to believe that there existed such a serene place in this hustling bustling suburban town. With no other building in the close vicinity and huge garden surrounded by the artificial lake this residential block looked like a film setup! He could see the sun set, the deep orange full Sun, it always fascinated him. His thought as a kid looking at the sun set was, no wonder “Hanuman" felt it to be an object of desire. Since his childhood sunset fascinated him and he decided to say "yes” and immediately nodded to the administrative staff accompanying him with a big smile confirming E2/18 as his residence from now onwards.
Administrator, a man in his fifties, was puzzled. He had not yet opened the door of this luxurious accommodation meant for senior executives, yet this young man was ready with his decision. He always wondered how these young executives, half his age could take such quick decisions and of course they make so much more money than him, having spent almost 25 years in this organisation, being the senior most administrator yet he has one bedroom accommodation for a family of 5 . While this young fellow a fresher from IIT/IIM will have a 5 bedroom apartment! Management was keen to offer him the guest house Bungalow too! He had clear instruction from head office, if the apartment is not approved show his the Bungalow and ensure that he accepts one of the two by today and all arrangements of his shifting to be completed over weekend. He was happy and relieved. He attempted to say something about apartment and choice made by the young executive, who was in his own world and on phone by then.
Apartment was fully furnished. All that one needed was to walk in with personal items. Administrator again tried to strike a conversation by saying that he will get the place cleaned and attendant will be at the service from the day he takes possession of the apartment. Realising that the young man wasn't interested in listening to him, administrator started to open the rooms, check bedrooms, lights, gadgets and other basic aspects.
He really liked the place. He sat on the sofa, opened the balcony door and was still admiring the sunset; as reflex and his habit he telephoned his mother and described the place to her. He was loud enough for administrator to listen and as the conversation was in English he could pick up the details without paying many efforts. He was happy that this young one liked the place and first call was made to his family. Attendant waited for call to end to induct him to other details and take note of his needs.
Over the next weekend he shifted to this apartment. He had little more than 3 bags and 20 cartons of books. Administrator was expecting other family members to alight from the car, but he was alone. Books took more time to find shelf, places, than other belongings. He managed his 3 bags in his room in less than 1 hour and asked his attendant, who now would be part of this apartment; to make some dal - rice for dinner. Administrator was happy to note that this young one does not smoke, nor had any other stuff that looked fishy. He, for the first time liked the senior executive hired by the company, the previous one was a chain smoker and once a room in this flat was gutted in fire as he dozed off while smoking and the cigarette fell on bed and it caught fire. The gentle man had gotten up when he felt the flames!
The campus at Vashi was lush green and a quiet place, next to a hill, difficult to believe that there existed such a serene place in this hustling bustling suburban town. With no other building in the close vicinity and huge garden surrounded by the artificial lake this residential block looked like a film setup! He could see the sun set, the deep orange full Sun, it always fascinated him. His thought as a kid looking at the sun set was, no wonder “Hanuman" felt it to be an object of desire. Since his childhood sunset fascinated him and he decided to say "yes” and immediately nodded to the administrative staff accompanying him with a big smile confirming E2/18 as his residence from now onwards.
Administrator, a man in his fifties, was puzzled. He had not yet opened the door of this luxurious accommodation meant for senior executives, yet this young man was ready with his decision. He always wondered how these young executives, half his age could take such quick decisions and of course they make so much more money than him, having spent almost 25 years in this organisation, being the senior most administrator yet he has one bedroom accommodation for a family of 5 . While this young fellow a fresher from IIT/IIM will have a 5 bedroom apartment! Management was keen to offer him the guest house Bungalow too! He had clear instruction from head office, if the apartment is not approved show his the Bungalow and ensure that he accepts one of the two by today and all arrangements of his shifting to be completed over weekend. He was happy and relieved. He attempted to say something about apartment and choice made by the young executive, who was in his own world and on phone by then.
Apartment was fully furnished. All that one needed was to walk in with personal items. Administrator again tried to strike a conversation by saying that he will get the place cleaned and attendant will be at the service from the day he takes possession of the apartment. Realising that the young man wasn't interested in listening to him, administrator started to open the rooms, check bedrooms, lights, gadgets and other basic aspects.
He really liked the place. He sat on the sofa, opened the balcony door and was still admiring the sunset; as reflex and his habit he telephoned his mother and described the place to her. He was loud enough for administrator to listen and as the conversation was in English he could pick up the details without paying many efforts. He was happy that this young one liked the place and first call was made to his family. Attendant waited for call to end to induct him to other details and take note of his needs.
Over the next weekend he shifted to this apartment. He had little more than 3 bags and 20 cartons of books. Administrator was expecting other family members to alight from the car, but he was alone. Books took more time to find shelf, places, than other belongings. He managed his 3 bags in his room in less than 1 hour and asked his attendant, who now would be part of this apartment; to make some dal - rice for dinner. Administrator was happy to note that this young one does not smoke, nor had any other stuff that looked fishy. He, for the first time liked the senior executive hired by the company, the previous one was a chain smoker and once a room in this flat was gutted in fire as he dozed off while smoking and the cigarette fell on bed and it caught fire. The gentle man had gotten up when he felt the flames!
This
young man was polite too, had asked him today about his family, his work and
was talking to him with due respect. Administrator also had noticed him
creating a corner in the room as a sacred space and he lighting a candle there.
May be candles were no more synonyms for Christianity, globalisation has made
religion border less and now Ram, Buddha Mahavir or any other
contemporary too were offered candles instead of a pure ghee diya. Administrator
too prayed silently for the well being and long life of the new incumbent and
wished that he shouldn’t be the nth person in the long list of people
joining and leaving for better opportunities. He wanted this young man to stay
here for longer than previous executives. All he said while leaving was, driver
for his vehicle would arrive at 8 am and he was expected to be
present for the first meeting at 8.30 am in the conference room.
He was enjoying the challenges of this new place, he made a connection with them on day one. Factory and workers were open to his thoughts, though he did not start with anything drastic, he was well received. The work kept him busy, and for weeks he never could see the sun set, was the only regret in his mind.
He was enjoying the challenges of this new place, he made a connection with them on day one. Factory and workers were open to his thoughts, though he did not start with anything drastic, he was well received. The work kept him busy, and for weeks he never could see the sun set, was the only regret in his mind.
His expertise was in production and his strategies were slowly showing its impact, if only a team member from marketing could join this team, companies’ growth rate would match the target and ensure the profit estimated. He had shared this thought with one of his MDs and that was accepted.
Next week he got this news of another senior executive joining the team. MD had called him personally and informed that the new person would be his colleague and they would be at par in decision making, not that one was reporting to another nor was there any hierarchy needed. He was more than happy to have someone to work with him. He also had suggested to his MD that if the new incumbent is a single man his age group, he would be happier as they could work without any other hindrances. MD was of the opinion if the new incumbent is a single female, that would a great match for him and both he, and company would have a supplementing and completing profiles. Both had good laugh over a cup of coffee in the board room.
The new incumbent was a single man, a couple of years older to him, to be precise, by 4 years in age. His credentials were equally illustrious and he genuinely hoped that they both should be able to create the synchronised harmony in production and marketing.
New incumbent’s arrival coincided with arrival of delegations from Europe and Japan. One team was given another 5 bedroom apartment to be shared with five members and another team of seven settled into Bungalow officially called as guest-house. They were to be here for more than three months. New incumbent had joined them for board meeting and it was late in the evening after the long and tiring day’s meetings the issue of his accommodation actually hit all of them. Everyone looked tired and his luggage was still in the car. The administrator had no clue to about this placement, which got missed by MD in the arrangements of foreign delegates, so couldn't be at fault. Sending him to a hotel in suburb which was another 2 hour drive was seemingly the bad option. He was surprised when suddenly MD actually involved the new incumbent into this conversation, apologised for the mess, gap in communication, poor arrangements and offered him to join him to stay with him for next few weeks till at least some arrangements were made.
New incumbent wasn't perturbed by the situation, he was calm, non reactive and though he too was very tired, very politely asked him, if he could join him as he was alone, single and that he would be more comfortable, than with MD and his family, certainly if he had no objections whatsoever.
There
was a long pause, MD was aware of him being fussy about accommodation. One
thing he had made clear while accepting this offer was even though he
was single he would never compromise of accommodation even for a
day.
He quickly gained his thoughts and welcomed the new incumbent to his place by accepting his suggestion, may be that was the best possible option at that time. . He was relieved but MD was puzzled with my stand and insisted that the new incumbent should join him to stay with him. There wasn't much choice left for anyone and two of them left for his apartment.
He was certainly reluctant to share his place, yet he ensured that his body language does not reveal the same. Also it wasn't that he had not stayed in hostels, or had never shared accommodations. In fact it was due to hostels and the peculiar behaviour of boys that he always opted for single rooms accommodations and was almost finicky about personal spaces.
The new incumbent was young, his age group, well built and had pleasant personality. He was observing him throughout their ride back home. He was duly impressed by his style, presentations, ideas and thoughts and the way he presented his viewpoint keeping all parameters and perspectives in mind in meeting this morning. He was happy to have found a colleague in new place but entry into his own home!! Was too much for him to handle on that day.
He quickly gained his thoughts and welcomed the new incumbent to his place by accepting his suggestion, may be that was the best possible option at that time. . He was relieved but MD was puzzled with my stand and insisted that the new incumbent should join him to stay with him. There wasn't much choice left for anyone and two of them left for his apartment.
He was certainly reluctant to share his place, yet he ensured that his body language does not reveal the same. Also it wasn't that he had not stayed in hostels, or had never shared accommodations. In fact it was due to hostels and the peculiar behaviour of boys that he always opted for single rooms accommodations and was almost finicky about personal spaces.
The new incumbent was young, his age group, well built and had pleasant personality. He was observing him throughout their ride back home. He was duly impressed by his style, presentations, ideas and thoughts and the way he presented his viewpoint keeping all parameters and perspectives in mind in meeting this morning. He was happy to have found a colleague in new place but entry into his own home!! Was too much for him to handle on that day.
The new incumbent opted for a room that was adjoining his bedroom. This was a big room but did not have attached washroom, entry to the washroom was through the common passage and he was fine with this arrangement. Incumbent locked himself in his chosen room and he was alone again in charge of the entire space, yet a thought kept bothering him about having to share space with a stranger, bothered him for a week! . As they started sharing spaces and work, they become friendlier and by the end of first week they did start calling each other by their first names, yet at home their interactions were limited and revolved around food and dining spaces.,
The new incumbent would always lock himself in his room. He had never heard him take phone calls after reaching home, on the other hand his calls from his family never stopped. New Incumbents needs were minimal, his routine was fixed and he followed clock to the precision, rather his joke was he could be killed easily if people just observed him for week and keep track of the details of his daily schedule. By third week, they were more than strangers, officials, and professionals ! They were warming up to be friends. The ice had started melting and they extended their talks post dinner over a cup of coffee and also started having morning tea in the dining area instead of having the same in their respective rooms.
The new incumbent had peculiar ways of communication, gestures, and there was this roughness in his voice. His voice wasn't too deep or a manly voice, it was rather strange and some of his gestures were like eye-sore. They got noticed at all times when at home. In office, during meetings, in production areas, in conference rooms incumbent was very different, may be bit conscious and on his toes! But at home this contrast was visible and jarring. Could one person be so different at different situations?
May be
he was thinking too much about the new incumbent. He did share all this with
his mother, and she was puzzled as ever with his observations.
It was Sunday morning and there wasn't any office schedule, they had decided to take it easy and start their day a bit late unlike by 8 am every day. When he came out of his room, I saw new incumbent shaving at the sink in the common area, apparently there were some water connection issues and half the rooms/ taps were not functional. The new incumbent had no option but to complete his shaving where there was water and he was apologetic and was certainly uncomfortable as he was being observed. For the first time in these many days they saw each other in their night suits. Both were in their shorts and tees, well covered but unease continued. They both were attempting to ease the situation.
He started reading newspaper to avoid this stare and strange situation. As the attendant got the tea for them, he put the papers down, saw incumbent’s reflection in the mirror; he was done with his shaving and was now trimming his moustache. He was staring at incumbent, and he noticed this new incumbent to be very different. Something was missing from his usual expression, which he couldn’t pin point. The new incumbent too noticed the stare and quickly left for his room. Later and when he joined him for tea, he was in his track suit and with his reading glasses. They discussed politics for the first time over cup of tea and for a change not company's production, marketing, employee management issues or any official aspect. For all these days, they used to be at the table for tea, fully dressed to leave for office and were always catching up on notes that were needed for the day's work.
They both left for their respective rooms to get ready after planning a Sunday outside the campus without any of the foreign delegates, or visitors, officials from the company. He was still bothered by his expression, his looks, what was missing? Incumbent was a tall, well built and fairly decent looking guy, with short hair, muscular lean body resembling a sports person. Was it his body hair that bothered him? He decided to keep these thoughts out of his mind, and the more he decided to distract, more it became part of his thought process like obsessed!
It was Sunday morning and there wasn't any office schedule, they had decided to take it easy and start their day a bit late unlike by 8 am every day. When he came out of his room, I saw new incumbent shaving at the sink in the common area, apparently there were some water connection issues and half the rooms/ taps were not functional. The new incumbent had no option but to complete his shaving where there was water and he was apologetic and was certainly uncomfortable as he was being observed. For the first time in these many days they saw each other in their night suits. Both were in their shorts and tees, well covered but unease continued. They both were attempting to ease the situation.
He started reading newspaper to avoid this stare and strange situation. As the attendant got the tea for them, he put the papers down, saw incumbent’s reflection in the mirror; he was done with his shaving and was now trimming his moustache. He was staring at incumbent, and he noticed this new incumbent to be very different. Something was missing from his usual expression, which he couldn’t pin point. The new incumbent too noticed the stare and quickly left for his room. Later and when he joined him for tea, he was in his track suit and with his reading glasses. They discussed politics for the first time over cup of tea and for a change not company's production, marketing, employee management issues or any official aspect. For all these days, they used to be at the table for tea, fully dressed to leave for office and were always catching up on notes that were needed for the day's work.
They both left for their respective rooms to get ready after planning a Sunday outside the campus without any of the foreign delegates, or visitors, officials from the company. He was still bothered by his expression, his looks, what was missing? Incumbent was a tall, well built and fairly decent looking guy, with short hair, muscular lean body resembling a sports person. Was it his body hair that bothered him? He decided to keep these thoughts out of his mind, and the more he decided to distract, more it became part of his thought process like obsessed!
When he
came out after his daily routine, he was in his jeans and tee and was wearing
floaters, while the new incumbent was dressed for a meeting! A formal white
full sleeve shirt and a navy blue trousers! He was surprised and as reflex asked him about
his plans if the same had changed! He thought maybe some call from MD might
have led to a change in his plans. He was cool and said he prefers to dress up
in this manner and does not prefer any other dress code.
The administrator had come with a maintenance guy and was busy checking for the water connectivity; they still decided leave immediately. He decided to take his car for this outing, his mind was still thinking about this new incumbent and his relationship. Were they friends or mere colleagues? Were they going out as there was no alternative or to build a rapport for future? What if he had different accommodation? Would they still be planning something like this? How he wished that they had some meeting or emergency or some work at factory like any other day.... his mind was full of such thoughts and the new incumbent wasn’t even paying any attention.... mechanically they both got into his vehicle to explore the suburb.
The administrator had come with a maintenance guy and was busy checking for the water connectivity; they still decided leave immediately. He decided to take his car for this outing, his mind was still thinking about this new incumbent and his relationship. Were they friends or mere colleagues? Were they going out as there was no alternative or to build a rapport for future? What if he had different accommodation? Would they still be planning something like this? How he wished that they had some meeting or emergency or some work at factory like any other day.... his mind was full of such thoughts and the new incumbent wasn’t even paying any attention.... mechanically they both got into his vehicle to explore the suburb.
This as suburb was like any other suburb of new Mumbai, and if one had nothing in particular, movies could have been the best way to spend the day out, avoiding heat and relaxing in nice cushioned chairs. They entered a multiplex and got into the first movie that they both agreed upon. In the cinema hall as they settled on their seats, it was for the first time their hands, shoulders touched each other. This was so very different from formal handshake and official body language. They both initially were startled and attempted to be a bit formal but got comfortable with these thoughts and decided to focus attention on the to screen rather than such silly matters. By the time they got out of the cinema, they were certainly bit more friendly, though not walking hand in hand or reeling over each other, but that strange distance between both was reduced and they were fine if they occasionally got pushed in the crowd, touched each other and also gave a comforting hand on escalator when it suddenly stopped and the jerk was difficult for vestibular balancing.
After having an Italian lunch together, they decided to go back to their apartment for an afternoon siesta, which was a long lost dream. He offered incumbent to drive his vehicle; he was surprised by his own thinking, gestures, and his own actions! More so when the incumbent said he does not know how to drive a vehicle!!
They were quick to come out from the mall but got struck at the traffic junction and due to some chaos; they were stranded for good 10 minutes at that traffic point. People were trying to squeeze in, honking, noise levels and the afternoon heat, was taking common sense away from otherwise well behaved citizens. They set quietly in car, almost with no conversation and as if they had given up to destiny to be out of this traffic chaos, when suddenly he heard this forceful knock on his side of the window, it was a eunuch, typically wanting some money.
The knock on the window was persistent and getting stronger, louder, he could hear some swear words now as he was avoiding even eye contact with this eunuch, as was his practice since childhood, avoid eunuchs. Eunuch, now stated making ugly gestures, he was angry , losing his cool, with traffic and with no signs of any movement, his irritation was at its peak when he suddenly noticed this new incumbent calling out to this eunuch to his side of the window and rolling the windows down.
Heat, strong smell of sweat and Eunuch’s hand, all three entered the car at the same time, first thing that eunuch did was to touch him, his hands which were on steering wheel and moved his rough hand on his hands and repeated his demand for money making loud gestures and dirty abuses. He screamed at the top of his voice due to this gesture from that eunuch, He was about to slap this eunuchs reflex.
When he saw, how this new
incumbent just somehow managed to push him away, and was trying to
talk to this eunuch. The new incumbent was whispering something and eunuch just
disappeared, as if it was his mistake to knock on their car! He rolled up
windows and by then some movement in traffic got them moving forward. All
of this was so sudden and so humiliating. A eunuch touching him !!! He was
upset and he was almost yelling at this new incumbent for opening the windows
and letting that dirty man, woman? Touch him!!!!
He felt as if he was
impure, and wanted to take a shower immediately, to wash of that ugly, dirty
gesture and cleanse him thoroughly. He
couldn't get over that eunuch’s ugly smile, stained teeth, gaudy make-up, hairy
hands with equally ugly rings and bangles nail paint and his clothes trying to
show off his body..... He wanted to get down, catch hold of that eunuch and slap that man?
Or Woman? In all his anger and
frustration he said this very loudly....
“Why do we need them in our society, why can’t they just die? May be government should take some actions....And life would be so peaceful.... “He was blurting what came to his mind.
The new incumbent was quite, unmoved, his expression had changed, but he did not apologise for opening the window! He was perplexed with his own thoughts that amidst so much of anger and frustration, how his brain was expecting an apology and about how human brain, thoughts distinguish between needs and desire from people around us.
They were into their own rooms without saying a word and he must scrub himself to peel his skin for thirty minutes for cleansing himself from that horrible touch.
“Why do we need them in our society, why can’t they just die? May be government should take some actions....And life would be so peaceful.... “He was blurting what came to his mind.
The new incumbent was quite, unmoved, his expression had changed, but he did not apologise for opening the window! He was perplexed with his own thoughts that amidst so much of anger and frustration, how his brain was expecting an apology and about how human brain, thoughts distinguish between needs and desire from people around us.
They were into their own rooms without saying a word and he must scrub himself to peel his skin for thirty minutes for cleansing himself from that horrible touch.
In the evening, over a cup of tea, over his phone calls to his family, he again was giving vent to his emotions, and how after cleansing self for 30 minutes had helped him to overcome that lust in eyes, touch, and rough behaviour. The new incumbent was a mute spectator. His silence was bothering him, yet he decided to stop thinking and talking about this and at dinner they both were discussing company policies and plans again, getting ready for a Monday!
Their routines continued like earlier, that week they met at breakfast and dinner table like any other formal meeting and were happy to have found that space again. That Sunday was apparently erased from their life. Almost three weeks continued like this. Work pressures were high and at times difficult to reach out to so many areas, yet challenge was exciting and both were emerged in their respective depts., work, strategies, plans, and executions that was our dream. It was now almost 8th week of them staying together and apart from that one Sunday they did not have much to share, talk. They did not know about each other's family, nor their personal likes and dislikes. Their talks were limited to company, it was difficult to rate who was more of a workaholic or asocial amongst two of them.
The Sunday that arrived was one they were looking forward after seventy two hours of very high profile work and successful implementation and they certainly deserved that break. It was only at breakfast table he realised that they were together again on a Sunday with no specific plans. It reminded him of the time they spent together on a Sunday and the eunuch episode.
He opened the newspaper and the headlines actually got worst out of him, it was about eunuch being termed as third sex now...Supreme Court had given this verdict and t this right and how happy the world of eunuch’s and human rights community was with this decision....it was nauseating for him, the whole episode was in front of his eyes, he felt as if he was to puke and as a reflex he threw the paper away from him with such a strong a force that the entire table was shaking and real hot tea spilled all over this new incumbent.
As a reflex this new incumbent removed his tee, and as a conscious effort to avoid more burns ran towards washroom in his room. In those thirty seconds too, he found him very conscious of self, wanting to hide self, and he saw himself running after incumbent to check if he was fine. After all it was his mistake, his displaced anger and frustration and water in teapot was really hot, must have hurt him, and he needed to apologise to this new incumbent. Door to his room, his and bathroom was open, he was standing there bare chest, in his shorts under the shower ... Incumbent was uncomfortable noticing him to be there he was assuring through his gestures that he was fine and wanted his space, privacy. The attendant was behind him watching all this!
Incumbent, like anyone would have been was certainly shocked to see two of them to be there, he had not expected any one of them to be there, he wanted his privacy, and certainly was uncomfortable as he was in his shorts, and under public scrutiny. Barely could he whisper that he was fine and wanted them to leave immediately. This entire thing may not be more than 30 seconds, yet it felt long, real long as if it was for hours.
The new Incumbent came out after a long time, in his usual attire, ready to attend a meeting, while he was in still his casuals, feeling guilty, he was waiting for incumbent wanting to apologise, wanting to comfort him....
The new incumbent asked the attendant to get something specific ointment from the medical shop for the mild burning sensation, and asked him if he would prefer some fresh tea, which he was to prepare. May be it was his guilt so he nodded positively and followed incumbent to the kitchen. He was entering kitchen for the first time and he found the same to be spacious and it also a good view of the garden. He sat there on chair, as incumbent like an expert took charge to the kitchen and started brewing tea.
Incumbent joined him soon after, with tea, biscuits and something to munch, all that he could have gathered from kitchen for them. The pain and irritation of burning sensation was visible on incumbent’s face. He was trying to be brave. Not much could have been done by anyone and the attendant wouldn't come for next one hour at least with the ointment.
As incumbent poured tea into their cups, he said, he was going to share his life with him and that he must listen to him. The incumbent was said this with conviction and command in his voice though he seemed polite, one couldn't have denied that time. All he requested was his need time till someone else comes, and he sat down with his cup on the opposite chair, looking straight into his eyes incumbent started sharing his life…
His
Story :-
“I was born into a rich family, and was only child of my parents, who were in late thirties when I was born and for them joy of a child was more important than anything else. I was protected as a special child and my mother always protected me, rather never let me go alone anywhere till I was six years of age. I had not even gone out of compound walls our palatial home. We were a joint family system, my father was eldest who with my grandfather was trying to keep family intact, others were keen to take their share of the property and start a fresh and shift to urban setup. Arguments, disputes, differences and discussions were frequent and though elders in the family attempted to keep their differences away from us, it was evident that family was on the verge of disintegrating and not many were keen to nurture close blood relations. I distinctly remember the death of my mother, it was the same evening after we all cousins decided to have bath at the bore well in our backyard. As a six year old one is really not ashamed of bathing naked with same age cousins, we kids were enjoying our water soaked fun, splashing water on each other, singing and shouting, till we saw a good crowd of servants, workers and some other members from the family around us and some whispers.... we were not sure what transpired but my grandfather walked in and yelled at the gathered group to start moving to their work, my mother was in a state of shock and that night she passed away.
The silence and the whispers told me that she committed suicide. Everyone was sympathetic towards me and my father, and they consoled my father a bit differently. It was like he had lost all hopes and his life and his prestige was at stake. All I could gather was she committed suicide, not knowing what that meant I was in my world without being aware that how was this death and event is going to change my world in near future.
My father who was in his mid forties now, detached from life, depressed to the core, having lost his wife, and lost desire to live and accepting me was very difficult for him. He did not even talk to me properly after that episode and he was lost in his own sorrows which were beyond me to comprehend. For next seven years it was my grandfather who took me under his wings and all my social emotional needs were take care by him. He was one who kept me away from all the talks, gossips and may be sheer respect for him in the community made people trust him and accept me. I was in school doing very well academically and I was one who always stood first in class with math being my major strength. I had started realising that something is terribly wrong and I am the cause of this wrong. I lost my grandfather when I was in 8th std and by now I could gather lost pieces of my life and could understand the whispers and talk and the silence upon my arrival. After his death, my father could not take charge of my needs and it was mainly my aunts and uncles who out of no choice were tolerating me in the family.
By 15 years of age I knew, who I was, what made people look at me, stare at me, talk at the back and why my mother committed suicide. Was I responsible for any of these? What was my fault? Why did God do this to me? What was my destiny? Is it important for all such people to quit their normal life and lead a life in their own community? I also was able to understand the property issues involved in this, my family was keen to grab the large share that I would otherwise inherit!
Once when the groups of eunuchs were in the village one of my aunts informed them about me and the group managed to take me with them. How could a family surrender their kids to totally strange people? Isn’t this selling kids? If I was poor or had no property? Would life be different for me? I was mute spectator and had no option but to follow what was happening as a matter of survival.
Life at the group, where eunuch stay was very different. It was disgusting, the clothes, make up, talk, food, behaviour, community living, and sexual perverseness was nauseating. It stinked, the darkness in their life was evident from their life style. I was sick for days. I would throw up every day and cried till may be all my ears dried! From the comfort of a nice home (Could I even call that home a home, where people wanted to get rid of me? Including my own father?) from the classroom, School, life full of friends! My academic achievements??? To this dark congested place, life was not worth living. I attempted multiple times to run away from the place but every attempt was futile. I was punished, mocked, laughed at, and all the time I was reminded who I am and was made to believe, accept that I must accept my destiny and devote life in the service of God. I was simultaneously given lessons in dressing, body gestures, style and that clapping to keep evil away??? Evil from whose life? how could I who had no control over self, do good to others? if life is at stake could I bless and wish success in lives of others??? Thoughts were suffocating and so was life...
Even though I was going through all these my mind was noticing minute details about people taking care of me, every time I threw up or I was sick someone would take care of me, be gentle and nice to me, would be kind enough to talk and share their stories, took care and talk to me about my school, my ambition simply put accept me as I was.... Which no one had done in past so many years! In my earlier world I was unique creature, born because of curse, because of some wrongs in my previous birth and here I was similar to them, with none being superior, inferior...at par.
When I could not adjust to the life at this new place even after six months, I was taken to the head of the family. Yes! at each such community, there is a head and they treat you as their family. She was the ugliest person, I had ever seen in my life. The huge size, the nose ring, painted lips, stains of paan, and clothes revealing more than covering, she had that peculiar smell of Attar and at every second word she clapped so loudly! Her voice was hoarse and the moment I was introduced to her as new entrant in the community, she hugged me to suffocation and I wished death right then… the stench entered my nose and brain… as permanent memory.
When she asked me to talk share what was bothering me, I could barely open my mouth as if I was mute, my heart was beating faster and I was ashamed... I started crying as I missed my mother for the first time and I had for the first time realised the word and meaning to being protected. She coaxed me to talk... She touched me almost everywhere to nudge me, to probe me... I fainted.
I do not know what transpired next, but I was into a different apartment when I woke up the same head of the community was standing next to my bed, talking to someone in a very soft tone. I could hear everything... She had arranged for a tutor for me, she was planning for continuation of my studies and she was to bear the cost and most important I was to stay in this place with her and two other eunuchs and teacher would come every day to teach me...continue with my studies and academics. If I had the energy and courage I could have hugged her... such a paradox is life!!!
Every time I excelled in academics, She would come and appreciate me, hug me tightly and had just one line to say, the day you stop to top the class, you will take over my fortune! I guess that was going for me. Was it fear? Was it my genes? Was it my own strength to fend for self? Was I truly blessed to have found people who care for me in contrast to the so called caring family....? I never liked those hugs but now I felt protected again.
Once when I was 18, I decided to go to my village and meet my family members, against the wishes of my new family members. I still curse that day for the treatment that was given to me by my close relatives! First they refused to recognise me, they were treating me like that untouchable, and finally one of my aunts did something that made me leave the place... She took out Rs 5001/- and gave to me as gift and donation to my cult, and asked me to wish for the permanent well being of the household for generations to come. She also told me that my father died and now property was distributed amongst all other family members and it is best that I do not meet my cousins; even let them know that I even existed!! They would be so ashamed of me and their life would be in turmoil!!!
I was almost pushed out of the house. This humiliation was more than one accepting that you are different, for no apparent fault of yours, for a DNA defect! People were happy to keep their mentally retarded, spastic kids, disabled kids and shower that all the help in life, but cannot think of keeping a ..... Why is society like this? Why are defects dirty? Why is it that we do not have answers to these questions....?
I do
not know what stopped me from ending my life, instead it reached home again,
head of the family was waiting for me... I went straight to her, and hugged her
tightly and this time nothing bothered me! I was able to soak myself in her
warmth, care love, concern for her family member. All she said was, other
people from our community were following me for my safety... World is like this,
brutal, real and unnerving…better accept it and sooner the better.... I am glad
that you are back. Now focus on your studies and if you want to bring in
change in self, in this community, show them the way through education, follow
your dream and help others to follow their... I was deprived of basics all my
life, with struggles, mostly humiliations, exploitations, and my ability to
find ways through those I have become head of this cult... But times are
changing, we need to bring in education and embrace the change. Dancing,
roaming and begging in the name of worshipping God may not help us, our
community anymore, we need more strength to unite and it is only education that
will bring in this change.... So follow your dreams...
Since then she has paid for all my fees, she is constantly with me for all my successes academically, or other efforts. Life wasn't very easy, at college for admission, for applications, for travel, one has to write gender and at all such steps humiliation, rejection, was only thing that greeted me. Not many experience this humiliation as they never have taken this path. She stood by me at all such times, helped me take the desired courses, hired lawyers to fend, fight for me, as she strongly believed in only one aspect, that this stigma, humiliation, constant rejections needed to be changed, to be made more palatable, more acceptable to the community, to sensitise them with what other people go through and most important we are humans.
I have been through all this, standing at traffic signal, reaching out to people when there is wedding and birth, travelling in trains, I did pick the art of being one of them as money that it got me was helping me pay my fees, pay for other aspects of my life. But as I entered college I consciously decided to be away from these daily routines. I made this choice of refining self, you know once you start accepting others, you become like them, you are part of them, so unknowingly I too had picked up their language, tone, and ways of walking, dressing and most importantly cursing like them.... I once on a special request from the head of the community went to attend a marriage in South, I found myself dancing in my own cousins wedding, we had spent so much time together that it was almost difficult to forget faces, I recognised him immediately but he and other family members, they refused to recognise me, I was pleading to them for recognition, for once accepting me and calling me by my first name, they were deaf and mute, they seemed nervous about my presence, while I kept waiting for a glimpse of familiarity in their eyes.... All that I was asking for was acknowledgement; I wasn't claiming my property which they had conveniently grabbed... It took me three years to be out of this! It was head of the community again, who along with help of doctors and psychiatrists helped me find my path, my dream college, career profiles that most people envy to have or only dream about! Graduating from leading management school and joining companies as senior executives with salary that was once a dream!
Finally we had found a lawyer who along with other heads in the community decided to fight for this case, case for making the supreme authority in this country to accept us as we are, accept us as country men, as equals as capable human beings... Haven’t society accepted people who cannot reproduce? then Why not us? That’s where this movement started some years ago....
Finally we will not be ashamed of being us for no fault of ours legally now. We would be able to stand and claim ourselves to be third gender.
We want society to accept us as we are, give us chances of employment, we do not want special quotas like other communities and casts, we want our basic rights, right to live, right to study, to get equal employment, to opportunities, then we would have no need to stand at crossroads and..... How can anyone bless anybody who has been a reject from his/her own parents, family and immediate society? Families may still not accept us, may reject us and force us to join cults, but these cults are home, safer than society where there exists, equality, collaboration, empathy, and most important that it stand for you, it protects you and gives you your identity!....
I am a eunuch.... Do you hear that?.. Understand.... I too am a eunuch....incumbent now was almost hysterical..
Yes, I am one, and I am proud of myself, my being, my existence and people who have helped me reach here...I am at par with anyone from the world divided over two genders. We are proud to be a community who helps people rejected and are rarely involved in criminal aspects. …”’
________________________________________________________________________
The new incumbent was talking so passionately, each word had so much pain, such humiliation, and desire to grow, come out of the closet and bring in the change. The time seems to have stopped ...The tea cups in their hands, unsipped, cold tea, and contrast of new warmth that got generated... the new incumbent now broke down and was sobbing, uncontrollably ... He continued, on that day near the traffic signal, he opened the car windows to share a code word with the eunuch that was knocking on his side of the window. Incumbent asked him trying to gather his composure, if he had did noticed that Eunuch disappeared without any demand....Yes, we at eunuch community are now more actively trying to rebuild our image and this is a landmark decision....
He did not know when he got up from his chair and hugged him- the new incumbent. He found him gentle, like him, his hands were soft, his touch had warmth. From where did he gather these wrong notions about eunuchs? Did he experience anything ever? Why was he so skeptical about accepting them? What harm had they caused to him, in his life, his society? why was he so strong, vehement in his emotions about them? Does he hate white collared criminals with this same intensity? He was ashamed of his own behaviour...unknowingly his hands were caressing the new incumbent gently, he allowed him to cry... As he allowed vent to his own tears...ice seems to have melted. His arms were around the new incumbent creating a ring, a ring of protection, He felt that dire need to protect this inspirational new incumbent , to respect him, and communicate that how he felt with his achievements and how proud he was with the way he had dealt with his life, worked against all odds and his achievements.
The new incumbent was talking so passionately, each word had so much pain, such humiliation, and desire to grow, come out of the closet and bring in the change. The time seems to have stopped ...The tea cups in their hands, unsipped, cold tea, and contrast of new warmth that got generated... the new incumbent now broke down and was sobbing, uncontrollably ... He continued, on that day near the traffic signal, he opened the car windows to share a code word with the eunuch that was knocking on his side of the window. Incumbent asked him trying to gather his composure, if he had did noticed that Eunuch disappeared without any demand....Yes, we at eunuch community are now more actively trying to rebuild our image and this is a landmark decision....
He did not know when he got up from his chair and hugged him- the new incumbent. He found him gentle, like him, his hands were soft, his touch had warmth. From where did he gather these wrong notions about eunuchs? Did he experience anything ever? Why was he so skeptical about accepting them? What harm had they caused to him, in his life, his society? why was he so strong, vehement in his emotions about them? Does he hate white collared criminals with this same intensity? He was ashamed of his own behaviour...unknowingly his hands were caressing the new incumbent gently, he allowed him to cry... As he allowed vent to his own tears...ice seems to have melted. His arms were around the new incumbent creating a ring, a ring of protection, He felt that dire need to protect this inspirational new incumbent , to respect him, and communicate that how he felt with his achievements and how proud he was with the way he had dealt with his life, worked against all odds and his achievements.
He
was dwarfed by what was uncovered by this new incumbent. He was
ashamed of himself, his world, his so called protective world and family….
And together as they walked towards his room, he felt to have found
a new cause a new purpose...with this new friend.
But
did this incumbent really need his ring of protection, was he
capable? Will he be able to introduce him to his family? Will he be the
best man at his wedding? Does he really need this acceptance ? Acceptance
from court, the supreme authority ? Isn’t acceptance beyond legal
entangles?....
He had found a friend in this new incumbent ... some one who was capable and competent and was not divided over issues related to gender....
Will this new incumbent accept him to be his friend? This was his main thought as he led this new incumbent to his room, to his bed, and he sat next to him comforting him, watching him fall asleep and waiting to regain his lost confidence.
He did
not leave his room this time, he did not feel the need of that personal space
that he had created all his life with others….he sat there to be with him to
stand again and may be to walk together with him , in his journey….Each life has a story and each such life needs to be uncovered.....
