His Friend:-
I am unable to say any thing… numb with pain and sorrow…what to say or share?
When the phone rang I was still sleepy, and was not very sure whether I should get up and start the day… may be age was catching up with me… but the call was devastating…. she called up and the message that I heard was not sinking in, was un-comprehendible for me, my reaction and scream brought my husband from his study to the bedroom…from that moment he took charge of me and situation… in next 45 min. we were on our way to be with her.
From where should I begin… it’s a long story; I first met him, when, he was 18 years and I was 24. He was well built, broad, and looked almost grown up, unlike others who were visibly growing up and wanted to look grown/ outgrown. It was rather difficult to accept his age as, He was a Hunk! A guy any girl dreamt to be holding hands for life; a guy one could rarely take one’s eyes away from him… Prince Charming, I had never come across such a handsome boy till now, though I had completed my post graduation and was now pursuing my doctoral thesis.
I too, looked bit younger than my age, and this was one of the reasons for my attractions towards him. His magnetic charm and my looks, it was deadly combination… in our first meeting , which was a sheer accident, he was looking out for HoD’s office and I was coming out of the same as HoD was not there… I informed him, without he asking me whether HoD was in…and during this conversation we glanced (or may be I took that chance to talk to him) at each other and were struck by the charm…. we talked at length, in our first meeting, may be it was for two hours… nothing personal but for names, we were talking about the “world” and were disappointed with world and its rules… it was during this conversation we figured differences in our age. He thought I was also a fresher, and for me I thought he was new student on fellowship from some other city. Needless to add it was love at first sight for both.
Both were very sure that we can not be anything more than friends….. What amazed me was his matured thinking at that young age…when and where most boys were lost and saw relationships very differently. He stayed away from any attraction from anyone… this reinforced our relationship and was the sole base, the basis of our friendship.
Eventually I got married; he could not attend my wedding. But my husband knew about him. We were in touch with each other through mails… We continued to write to each other meet with our respective families and, now after almost 25 years… today when I, reflect / react on the recent step that he has taken… I have no words, no clues as to why he has done…what he has done… taken those extreme steps.
I, remember his wedding, all of us were there, my husband, my kids. His wife was a very simple looking girl. My first thought was… he could have waited for a while… or may be …”there were more beautiful girls”… but I did not, rather could not say anything; I was taken aback by my own thoughts. Wedding was a very simple affair… we spent couple of days with him and his family, before they left for their honeymoon. During this time I became close friends with his wife too… only 48- 72 hours old relationship…. she was younger to me by almost 10 years…. but we became great friends. I was proud of him for the choice that he made. He amazed me again, by choosing a spouse that was “beautiful” from within. She too was a person with magnetic charm though not traditionally beautiful…my initial thoughts just melted and disappeared never to surface again.
I was thinking of her now…. how she must be taking the whole episode? I wanted to be with her… as soon as possible…a span of 25 years was going through my mind… life was really kind to them, no ups and downs; everything was as if well planned. We met last on my husband’s 50th birthday… memories of that time lingered for a while in my mind…
His wife:-
I met her on our wedding day, she indeed was a lady with grace as described by him, and he had told me about their first meeting, on our first date… I always found him “cute- and innocent” though he looked matured, and with his looks and style, and the long line of girls falling/ following him, I am sure he could have misused his power… but he was known for his character, intelligence, and looks… people could not really put them in any order… they felt girl like me was lucky to find this guy, or he choosing me was
I was not jealous of her, but was curious to know/ look… and find out more about her… I wanted to know who was the first girl, whom my “would –be- husband”, gave his heart, for the first time… he never described her… always talked about her. It was me who visualized her, pictured her in my thoughts… I was no doubt elated when he first proposed me, he was my senior in college and we belonged to different communities. We got along well from the first meeting and were friends, even after he finished college and pursued his PhD from a different university, we kept in touch, and I started working as an assistant lecturer after my M. Phil. in the same dept. The day he proposed me, and the way he proposed me, I still remember… even after 23 years… He came straight to my work area, there were other colleagues too… it was total filmy, he came with bunch of red roses, and kneeled and loud and clear he asked for me to commit to him… I was happy, perplexed, thrilled, but was not sure of expressing the right emotion. Though we had known each other for almost 3 years as students in the same college and 3 years of friendship, it was no where near the courtship… at least I did not crave for him… though I had liked the idea of getting married to him… I was also thrilled with the fact that he considered me to be his life partner, knowing fully well that he has never let his emotions/ feelings expressed to anyone. It was like true love…..I needed sometime… the day in the college was filled with romantic air and news spread like wild fire… I decided to leave for home as I could not take the stare from people…
He was there too…. sitting with his parents at my place and had already talked about his actions to my parents… both parents seemed happy about the union… But I needed some time to understand, as to why he thought of me as his partner, why he communicated his love to me that way he communicated, may be I was still not prepared to be married to him…My parent felt that my reservations could be disastrous and I will loose a chance- opportunity that came my way… I felt exactly the opposite… I wanted to experience the love for him first before I commit…
It took 2 years for us to get married… since that day our relationship had changed. Though he was same I started looking at things differently, analyzing him, trying to understand him, and trying to fall in love with him! It was during this time he first mentioned about her, and how he reconciled to the fact that she was not a match for him, I had just heard about her as a meritorious student of the dept. but never seen her or met her. As I started looking at him, his kindness, maturity, love, care concern seemed new to me, I started enjoying the relationship and finally I said yes to him… and within a fortnight were married. We were now planning to celebrate our silver jubilee….in few years.
Life was pictureous, envious, and so fulfilling… that I wondered why people cribbed about life, marriage, kids, work, life was really kind to me…but for his last step ,now….
I could just call her… she was my lifeline… guardian…
We had been good friends, we clicked from the day we met on our wedding day, both of us shared life like sisters to each other, I had become emotionally dependent on her after I lost both my parents, and she was my mentor. I was too numb to call on his very old and ailing parents or any of our relatives… I just informed her… and asked her to take care of the rest…the only question that was bothering me… is why…. why did he take this step… how could I not read his mind… was he dissatisfied with me? Life? What was it that he thought was missing in our lives... we had everything…. our son was doing his internship at nearby medical college replica of his father, and fiercely independent… how can he take such a step after 25 years...? I kept looking for clues and answers… Our son was shocked, numb, shaken and had cold stare….no shoulder to cry….
Police, walked in the study, by
He had become a “case” now… may be his actions… Though they tried to gather information based their initial talk with us, neighbours, his colleagues and family friends … every one was shocked surprised and were trying to be as helpful as possible… I was starring at everyone in disbelief… how could he do this… how could he plan this, and no one was even aware of it,…I slept in the same room everyday…
Phone was ringing continuously … first to confirm the news and later to speak to me… I did not answer any phone call… I just called her and asked her to reach here, to be with me. I was waiting for her…
It took her 7 hours to be with me, though she took the first flight… I broke down in her arms, and for the first time I realized the impact of his actions …
Suicide….yes, he had hanged himself…in our bedroom, when I entered the room after the door was broken, I did not see him on the bed… but I saw him hanging… not realizing that…my scream was to wake the entire building…I just fainted… collapsed next to the bed…. somebody sprinkled water on me… I got up, gathered courage to walk… reached the phone and called her… after the call I fainted again…neighbours had taken charge of things and mess…
That day I got up as usual, at
It took long for the door to open, they were trying to minimize the damage while trying to break open the door…and my heart was pacing up and down… no amount of bang at the door woke him? Was he alright/ safe? Those 10 minutes looked life to me… unaware of what will I face/see next… I was anxious to get in and reach to him the minute door opened…our latch was changed by him a fortnight ago only…quoting safety reasons, hence the additional set of keys, which our neigbours usually had… were inside… I had mentioned couple of days ago to hand over the set of new keys to our neighbours … all these thoughts raced my mind in that 7-10 min…. and as we walked in… I rushed straight to bedroom, where he was sleeping. I fainted at the sight. Who called police, I am not sure…When and how our son was by my side I am not aware… the image of him hanging…. hanging from ceiling …
His friend:-
She could not complete the sentence, she fainted again.
According to police, neighbours, kids, she must have narrated this 10 times, police first suspected murder… but soon felt that this was a case of suicide. I was too shocked. I had known him for almost 30 years now; he was doing very well in his field. Financially sound, caring family, kids doing well, no work pressures, … the reason… what could be the reason for him to take such a step…. what could have driven him to this stage….grief was every where…everyone was shocked… and as if everyone was trying to search for the reason.
I too was looking for an answer…
We stayed there for over a fortnight, no clues, police filed the case as suicide… his office was instrumental in not making this as a story for the newspapers…. “countless” this is how the condolences meeting could be best described, for people who attended the condolence and prayer meeting or those who wanted to talk…. for almost one week there was a line, actual line of people who came home and wanted to share how he changed/ influenced their lives… invariably ending conversation into a question mark for his actions.
She was still shocked, in hospital for a day , his parents sat like statues in their chairs… emotionless… blank looks… and their stare looked eerie… she was recovering… but she felt guilty, of leaving him alone that day… the more she thought… more it affected her…now she had only one wish…. either to follow him… or to find an answer for his drastic steps…Hypnotherapist working on her… was not of much help to her… she thought it was she who was responsible for his death.
I was constantly with her, may be in the same situation and trying to emerge bolder and calmer than her…
Police records had 3 remarks, before they finally closed the case:-
1) His Secretary: - A young lady, who claimed herself to be in love with him, and was willing to do anything for him… she had in her statement said…
“That evening after everyone left the office, I decided to sit back and do some work...I had decided to be a bold person that day… I respected him, loved him and wanted to marry him….age difference did not matter… his personality was such that I was always attracted towards him… and He was like a statue ... never talked a word extra, crossed the line… may be that made me go crazy after him… once I wrote a note/ letter to him… stating that I wanted to have baby from him… he called me in… tore the letter and said such mistakes can be dangerous for life, life is much more than such things… and at the end of the communication he said… “You are my daughter’s age… I feel morally responsible to help you; I will come and speak to your parents…
He actually came to my place with his wife and kids, it was like any other normal visit…. he wasn’t behaving like boss… My parents were still unaware of my thoughts… he later said to my father, about my blunders… My parents were in awe of him, for them he was like a “God” … He never mentioned about this ever to me/ my parents and never brought this matter in our work area. This made me crave for him… more…the more I decided to avoid, more intense were my feelings for him… my fantasies and day dreaming was now affecting my work.
I decided to quit from this job. He liked my decision. That was my last working day.
That evening I stayed a bit longer…I wanted to hug him and kiss him…. I just wanted to feel him…touch him…wanted to feel his bushy moustaches on my skin… his hand on my… I was ashamed of my thoughts, especially after meeting his family and his daughter… I like a fool assured myself… my hug and kiss will be from a daughter to a father…I will ask for the same…from him as parting gift.
I entered his cabin, standing near that window… looking out and talking to someone over phone… he was surprised to see me there… he completed his call and asked me the reason…instead to answering to his questions… I ran straight into him…hugged him and kissed him…unable to control my thoughts and promise that I made to myself… he was shocked… unable to move… his reflexes were slow; as he had not anticipated this… he just pushed me aside he was about to slap me but instead said… “You have insulted me”….tears came rolling from eyes… I just ran … ashamed of my self… the “pleasure” of hugging and kissing first love of my life… was gone.
Day after, I read about his suicide…. he ended his life next morning… I can not face his family, wife… may be it’s because of me he committed suicide…
2) A supplier-
Meeting him was always rewarding and not necessarily in terms of business that I got from his office…but for learning, meeting such a pleasant personality, and no nonsense type, charming, sensible and workaholic…Many a times I would just go to talk to him and get mesmerized by his talks.
Actually there were plans of diversification in his company … I had heard about these plans from others in the company, I knew that he is in –charge and the authority who will decide about the materials that I was supplying … order, if we/ I got; were in millions…and I would than never have to bother about new business for a while, servicing would take care of my needs…and he as usual never said a word about tenders, quotations… about needs… about who all were bidding… I tried very hard…
That evening we met, just before the office closed, his secretary was leaving that day… there was a small function to bid her farewell, I was given appointment just before this farewell…
I was my greedy best that day…. I offered him up to 20% of the deal if he was willing to share information and the amount was negotiable…all needed was the lowest bid and If I had any chance or was to get the order… of course this was a very polite and polished conversation…. he too showed me the door in a polite and polished manner…saying “you are the first one to think of me as corrupt and offer me bribes… that means I do not seem to be transparent enough… how I wish I was dead before I hear this”… I felt insulted; I left…though apologizing profusely… but I was so angry that day, I wanted to kill him… how such people can exist in this world bothered me… my ego was hurt….
Day after, I read about his suicide…. he ended his life next morning… I can not face his family, wife… may be it’s because of me he committed suicide…
3) His Boss.
Though I am the CEO of the company, I am sure he was more competent than me to be in this place… we were poles apart…he never touched alcohol… I could not live without it… he never looked at his secretary… I always found one who was ready to sleep with me… he always gave me those “sermons” and I always laughed them off… My “bachelorhood” had an edge over his “family” in this regard.
He hated me for my weaknesses…habits as he would often refer...
Our business thinking was similar, and may be that was one reason we were still together, rather a great team; or may be because of our postings… but we shared good relationship…
I was after him for his secretary… I wanted her to be in my office…. I kind of eyed her… but he always managed to save her from me… when I heard, she was leaving…I called him up to suggest that instead she could join my office… in fact on the last day, when I heard she was leaving , I called him up…. after office … I was kind of pestering him to help me get that girl…. last he said was “over my dead body”… and we had a good laugh… before we hung the phone.…. he ended his life next morning…I could not go to the hospital, crematorium… I can not face his family, wife… may be it’s because of me he committed suicide…
Police did not take much note of these; no one would go to police station even to misguide police with such FIR’s. My husband too was shown these declarations, the declarations from trio, comments and statements given by these people… He too found these baseless, we knew him well… he would not end his life for such things…he was beyond such small matters in life… motives had to be different.
Police simply closed the file as case of suicide with in 3 days of the incident.
I could not close this file… more I think about her, her life around him and their life together… his this step puzzles me…I also could not share comments/ declarations by 3 individuals to her… I did not want her to think more about cause or ill about those 3 who felt responsible and had on their own gone up to police and register/record/ say what they felt… had he not committed suicide because of any one of them or all of them… all those 3 statements looked so foolish when read and re-read.….
I was looking out for his diary…his habit that everyone knew, writing about everything, everyday… she also was searching for the same….but it was no where, all his belongings were there, from the pay-in-slip dated 3 years prior to this episode to the telephone bill that he paid on the last day …. 3 days later she was in the balcony and she just screamed… her huge rubber plant was missing!! Who could have taken/ stolen the rubber plant from the balcony? We found the same pot instead of the rubber plant; with burnt pages of a diary; his diary that we were looking for so long... pot was covered with some dry leaves… there were some more dry leaves behind other pots in the balcony…it was done as if someone very meticulously carefully had hidden things there, this pot was in their bedroom till late evening on that day, he came home and moved plants outside the bedroom stating that plants needed more sunlight… she helped him in shifting those pots, there were 3 plants in their bedroom, what happened to the plant, why was pot empty, who got dry leaves?
The Police was informed again…they came with same paraphernalia again, the dog squad and more people to investigate...
Now my husband too wanted to investigate further…
He called up the security person and asked him to recall what all had happened on that day, after his wife left for walk. He had seen her going for the walks and had also asked her “why was sahib not with her, and if he was unwell”… he could not recall much… may be he slept…
He than spoke to sweeper, and asked about pots and plants… he remembered very vividly that the day when all this took place and as there was police/ crowd he did not ask any questions… but he did carry a well grown rubber plant and two broken pots and some dried leaves…
Watchman was prompt to add that he too had seen that “green plant” thrown but he wasn’t sure who and when threw it there… according to sweeper it was big enough and could not have been thrown from the balcony… it was dumped near the garbage bin near the main gate of the building.
Mystery deepened further… who was behind this…. was this a planned murder???????
If the pots were shifted at night by both, who could have come after she left for morning walks? Why only certain pages were burnt? Did he burn those pages himself, after she left for the walk? As neighbours too had seen some smoke that morning? According to neighbours their was not much time gap between the fire/ smoke and her asking for help to open the door… can some one hang oneself so coolly when the others are trying to open the door? In the postmortem report; time of death was between 5.45to
The Police dog this time after smelling the pot and spending much of his time in balcony hovered around the cupboard… barked endlessly at the almirah, his other findings suggested someone using window for movements? Who could have come in from window? How could he not get noticed? Was the plant thrown from window? His clothes and almirah was checked by us again… we found a lone photograph hidden (?) may be kept inside the locker … in safe… who was this person? The photograph was of a young man in his early twenties and shocking thing that bothered me most was person in photograph had some similarities / resemblances with him… person in photograph looked couple of years elder to his son. So many thoughts crossed our minds… though nobody said a word… eyes and doubts in them were same for all.
But this too did not take us any farther… the same man appeared to be on our doorstep with some money which he had borrowed from him… they had met while traveling and both were struck by similarities in them…they looked like father- son pair, and during this journey after hearing his life story, and exchange of their photographs which was more to show/ share their similarities with each one’s family, he had promptly offered him some financial help! This was so much like a fiction story… and the young man was devastated to hear the facts…about his death.
Strangely the mother son duo, were not aware of this…she knew so many minuscule things about him, around him, about secretary, boss but for this! She was not aware of this transaction, though there appeared a bank entry of this in his passbook.
We planned to construct what all could take place in an hour… if she left at 5.00 am and came back by 6.00 am and if the door was opened by say 6.25 am… time of death as per postmortem report was between 5.45 and 6.15 am. He could have been saved, had the doors opened earlier or if the keys were with neighbours. Why was he reluctant in sharing the new keys? Was there any real security threat? What made him change the lock? The broken door had too many finger prints… and most finger prints were identified yet a couple of them puzzled police… but the logical conclusion was, as there were so many people trying to open the door it was possible that imprints were all mixed. There were no fingerprints on the rope no fingerprints in room. How did he manage to hang himself without any prints? How could some one hang oneself without touching the rope? Height of the ceiling- fan and bed was such that no one can actually die/ hang oneself… that means he had pushed the beds to hang himself, who could have placed the beds back again?
Sweeper came at around
Police now started suspecting this new man… they took his finger prints too! He was co-operating with police, and did not hesitate even once to give his imprints…he wanted to help that man who as stranger helped him in his financial crisis…can someone really give money in first meeting? Yes, resemblance in two of them was mind boggling… Police did not find much from this interrogation, but I wanted to meet his family, his origin…and I continued my probe with him, he may have sensed this and his entire family visited us within 2 days, including his in-laws!!…
His son, shattered by this episode he loved his father and worshiped him as GOD, too was kin to know more about this man. His resemblance was so much that police thought of him as his elder son! This statement was kind of bothering me… and I was ashamed of my own thoughts… when my friend was alive and was in his prime youth; than too I had never imagined or doubted him… now after his mysterious death, and this man I was lost…
His wife had to be admitted to the hospital, trauma and recent developments had un-stabilized her. His son pleaded me to be with them for some more time. His only hope was me… ailing and lost grand parents, shattered and broken mother and he, who had become overnight matured; he no longer looked a man of 22… Office, Police, Insurance, friends, and un- answered questions had added some years to his life in a week’s time.
Search, and reconstruction gave another shock to all of us, the duplicate set of keys were missing, so were keys of the bank locker, and when the bank was contacted for the details and lodging the complaints, locker was operated and records showed that he was the one who had gone to the bank and operated the locker in the afternoon at around 2.00pm just a day prior to this episode! This was a strange finding! No one seem to know about this, his driver said that they never had been to bank in last fortnight, office too was sure that he was never left from his office or had any unscheduled meeting, nor cancelled any…. office people were sure that all his appointments transacted as per schedule. Bank official were sure that unless the signature matches, the lockers are not operated… and in any case they knew their customer!
Change of lock was not even known to his son; he was busy with his internship and mostly stayed at the college hostel like most other boys. Carpenter who changed the lock was known to the family for at least a decade.
Once the locker was broken by bank and police authorities… to everyone’s horror; locker was empty! all that was there in locker was gone… though mostly jewellary, but certain documents, property related papers and some silver utensils… It was so difficult for his son list what all was therein… and she was like I do not care… my losses are bigger than that wealth… The Locker like her eyes stared blankly at us… their emptiness was as vast as the question… who did this! What all is gone… I thought flashed my mind too… does any household have a check-list… which could be a guide to survivours after such shocking events!
That evening, their next door neighbour came with evening newspaper, he was serious… and showed an ad in the news paper, front page in the box, which any one could hardly ignore, had address of their flat on sale, advertisement bore his name and telephone address. Were we to expect phone calls for property on sale now? Mere thought sent shivers in my spine… My husband and his son were the only brave people… trying to understand all that had taken place in last ten days…Police tried to locate the source of advertisement, and this was from his office… who from the office could be behind this? Office records showed that no one had ever contacted this evening newspaper even on telephone!
We were terrified now; if not for others…I was for sure, not sure what will follow next…
The Trio:-
The trio, were very happy now. The supplier had begged the contract and this ensured wealth enough to last two generations for him. The secretary had decided to marry the boss. According to her, she always looked for a father figure and hence the age difference hardly mattered. Her family was not present for this wedding nor did they support her stand. The Boss was happy man now; he found a young girl that too after so many years; who was almost half his age… young wife he always dreamt off…Three of them had a common secret… the one who knew their secret was dead, having hanged himself, for no reason…they felt relieved…little aware that soon they will be part of a storm… and their lives- relationships will be at stake. Their statements were now to go against them and who will believe them that they are not the real culprits, though they shared common secrets.
And will they all together with his family, ever find the face, the man, and the reason behind this?????
